


the real world gets farther away

by 126916912



Series: Deleted 1213659/126916912 Works [8]
Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Bad Ending, Deceit, Infidelity, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Science Fiction, Time Travel, dystopian au, predicted death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-27 12:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30123105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/126916912/pseuds/126916912
Summary: "If you only had a year left before your path turned red would you just accept things or would you try to change it?"Sooyoung glances up from her phone and the look she turns on Jaehyun is focused. Too attentive for the hypothetical Jaehyun has mentioned. Or perhaps not when the red lines are only ever endings.
Relationships: Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Sangyeon, Lee Juyeon/Lee Sangyeon
Series: Deleted 1213659/126916912 Works [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2216154





	the real world gets farther away

Jaehyun holds his breath once he sees the future mapped out in the windowless dark. He had asked Juyeon to make him maps before and they have all been accurate, and that is why Jaehyun needs to expel his own denial when Juyeon apologetically presents him with this new iridescent green image. 

"Is there any way you could have made a mistake?" Jaehyun asks. He hears the plea in his own voice so he doesn't need to be confronted with Juyeon's plain discomfort. Jaehyun thinks he is allowed to sound desperate at a time like this. 

"Unless you do something drastic to change things, all of the maps lead to this. I tried other simulations but they're all the same. Since your paths converged it all ends up like this." 

"What if we part. What does Sangyeon’s map look like if I leave?" 

"I already plotted that," Juyeon says. That stings. Jaehyun is only suggesting it because he needs to know there is a way to save Sangyeon but he understands why Juyeon wouldn't want to uselessly watch a friend die. "If you leave him it just pushes the Event back another hour."

Jaehyun can't drag his eyes away from the red line on the map. The Event. Red lines are unavoidable. The red lines don't ever move more than a few weeks as The Entity corrects the course that has been set out, but occasionally a path doesn't reach the line. Jaehyun has known a few people personally who never made it to their red line and that has never offered much in the way of hope. But Jaehyun has also met someone who could erase red lines completely and they even got away with it. 

"Juyeon, I want you to make another map for Sangyeon." Jaehyun approaches the map and draws his fingertip across the point where two paths converge. "Replot the map from here. Take me out."

Juyeon looks hesitant. "Are you sure?" 

"Show me. Would Sangyeon live if we had never met?" 

+

Sangyeon is humming to himself whilst curled up on the sofa and working on his tablet. He is beautiful whilst doing nothing at all. Watching from the doorway, Jaehyun wouldn't be able to tell that Sangyeon was a man who only had one more year left to live. He doesn't look like a man whose days are numbered. 

The map doesn't specify what happens, only when, but Juyeon is practically married to his work and is always seeking out patterns. Whatever is going to happen to Sangyeon coincides with the moment something happens to a lot of other people. But if he had never met Jaehyun it would have been something he avoided entirely. 

All the times Jaehyun has reached out for Sangyeon, all the times he has held Sangyeon close, all the times he has admitted he will love Sangyeon forever, all the times he has promised never to let anything happen to Sangyeon have all turned out to be the very things that hurt him. Even hours after seeing the proof of the maps Juyeon plotted, Jaehyun's stomach is welling with bile. He feels guilty for hoping that the event would be inevitable, because he can't imagine his life being this good without meeting someone perfect for him in all the ways Sangyeon is, but the spike of disappointment has been churning surges of sickness into the back of his throat since this afternoon. 

Jaehyun is killing Sangyeon just by knowing him. 

Their first meeting might well have been Jaehyun forcing a blade into Sangyeon’s chest. Years of comfort, misplaced happiness seeing as one of them has been bleeding out slowly, have culminated in Jaehyun not knowing how he can look the man he loves in the eye. 

"Are you coming in?" Sangyeon eventually asks as he looks up from the tablet he is resting on his thighs. 

"I didn't want to disturb you," Jaehyun says, voice rasping, too harsh. He clears his throat and tries to remember what he usually looks like when he has returned home. He joins Sangyeon on the sofa and even just sitting beside him feels too much. His hand burns as he rests it on Sangyeon’s ankle. He won't ever feel normal again. But he needs to pretend so he says, "Are you still working? Have you worked out how your detective will find his next big case?" 

"No. I was just looking up last minute holidays. I know we can't go anywhere but I want to just get away from real life for a week. Just the two of us pretending to be newlyweds all over again."

"Like a second honeymoon?" 

"Exactly," Sangyeon grins. 

The first honeymoon had been ten days of paradise at the oasis in the Easternmost point of the district, the vibrant azure feeling so much more like a bolt of energy where the sky met the sea. Jaehyun was able to indulge himself in every moment until he was saturated with love which stains far beneath the surface of his skin. Happiness was as easy as knowing he would spend the rest of his life with Sangyeon. He'd like to live like that again. 

Sangyeon sets his tablet aside and threads his fingers through the idle stasis of Jaehyun’s. 

"Juyeon sent me a message today. He said I need to keep an eye on you and look after you," Sangyeon says carefully. When their eyes meet Sangyeon’s are open, imploring. "I didn't pay much attention but he's right. Did something happen today at work?" 

Jaehyun wishes that Juyeon had kept his mouth shut. He shakes his head because he can't admit something like this. "We have a busy period coming up and I am dreading it, that's all." 

Sangyeon pulls a face and reaches to trail a hand up and down the nape of Jaehyun’s neck. "I don't want to see you stressed like this. Should we just run away before it all gets you?" 

Jaehyun smiles. He wishes they could but that is a dream that is slipping away from him too quickly. He kisses Sangyeon to convince him that all is well and then he suggests ordering a takeaway seeing as he is too impatient to cook anything. 

Jaehyun can't sleep that night. He drags himself out of bed, away from the eternity of Sangyeon’s warmth against his chest, and stares out of the living room window. 

The city is glowing every different shade of blue. As a child he always liked staring over the city, pressing his face against the twilight-cool glass of his bedroom window and straining his eyes to see the bustling of nocturnal life far below and the silent calm of the cobalt tower at the centre of the district. He hadn't understood much about things aside from the existence of The Entity which set out paths for every person born in this district. 

The Entity is the reason the district glows blue even into the depths of the night. The sky above is blurred into navy blankness which is sapped to a paler cornflower at the horizon. The horizon, ever-moving, is where children are taught that The Entity exists. The Entity is where Jaehyun's happiness ends and as much as he wishes to avoid it he knows how little time he has left. 

+

"If you only had a year left before your path turned red would you just accept things or would you try to change it?" 

Sooyoung glances up from her phone with the sort of expression a person who isn't listening wears. A second later she is shifting in her seat and the look she turns on Jaehyun is focused. Too attentive for the hypothetical Jaehyun has mentioned. Or perhaps not when the red lines are only ever endings. 

"Is your path turning red?" 

"No."

Sooyoung looks thoughtful but this is the sort of thing every person should already know the answer to. Eventually she says, "I might want to change it but it's impossible to do it."

Jaehyun understands. They both know that altering the course of a path actually is possible but Sooyoung is saying this as a reminder, a warning that he shouldn't aim to change his path. 

"What if it was someone you loved most in the world?" Jaehyun presses. "Jinsol or Haseul or both of them. Would you want to change it?" 

Sooyoung smiles sardonically. "Of course I would want to but you don't know what other things that could cause. Would someone you love the most in the world want you to do it? Would they be happy with someone else's blood being shed so that they get to live longer?" 

Jaehyun wonders whether revealing the circumstances is too much. Juyeon checked the maps of other people but he must only have chosen a random sample size. He never mentioned checking for all the people whose paths intersect with their friends and colleagues so there is no telling how many others have red lines at the same point as Sangyeon. Jaehyun can accept the sickness of not caring and not wanting to know. He doesn't want to be a better person at a time like this. One part, one tiny human who just quietly lives his life and quietly loves Jaehyun, is far more significant than the wider society of the district. 

Sangyeon might care about the effects of his path changing course. Jaehyun is still inclined to deny a fact that he knows to be certain but he still knows what he wants to do regardless of any rationalisation. 

"He won't ever need to know," Jaehyun says. 

"You would have to tell someone, Jaehyun," Sooyoung says. "If you're going to change Sangyeon’s path you at least need to let him know. You don't know what The Entity will do to rectify anything you change."

"Sangyeon won't need to know because he won't know me," Jaehyun says. He has almost convinced himself that he has made peace with the fact but the way his voice tears out of his throat exposes too much of what Jaehyun genuinely feels. This is nothing like what he wants. "If Sangyeon had never met me he'd have a long life ahead of him. No red until he is a grand old age."

Sooyoung frowns. "And if you make it so that he lives, whose life are you ending as a replacement?" 

Jaehyun sighs. He knows Sooyoung is being sensible because she needs to be. If the situation was different and she needed to save one of her wives she wouldn't hesitate. Jaehyun needs to do something if he can. 

+

"Where are you taking me?" Sangyeon asks on an afternoon when Jaehyun convinces him to take a break from writing. Getting Sangyeon to leave their unit hadn't been so difficult. Not arousing Sangyeon’s suspicion is the real challenge. 

"Just a little trip. Somewhere romantic," Jaehyun says. 

"Isn't anywhere romantic when we're together?" Sangyeon asks as he leans in to rest his chin on Jaehyun's shoulder. Sitting and waiting together at the agency offices always sets Jaehyun on edge. Despite the fact that he works here he still feels like he is doing something wrong by hoping to apply for a travel permit for Sangyeon. Thankfully Sangyeon is the sort of person who is aware of that nonsense and does whatever he can to take Jaehyun's mind off it. 

"You're right, you bring all the romance in my life."

Sangyeon grins, presses a quick peck to Jaehyun's cheek. But Jaehyun can't pretend to relax even when Sangyeon is threading their fingers together. This is going to be the last intentional moment of romance and Jaehyun can't shake off the dread of never getting to see him again. 

"Will you really not tell me where we're going?" Sangyeon asks. "Shouldn't I be allowed to mentally prepare to travel? Are you going to take us back to our first date?" 

"If we were going to timeslip into our past selves I wouldn't bother asking The Entity for permission," Jaehyun says. He might be too truthful. He hasn't asked permission for the timeslip he will take after this trip and he wouldn't bother if he wanted to bring Sangyeon along with him. But a trip like this does require permission. 

"Not timeslipping to ourselves… Give me a clue then. Are we going to the past or the future?" 

"The past," Jaehyun says idly. 

"This clue was bad, I still have no idea where we are going," Sangyeon grins. 

Jaehyun doesn't give anything away. He just tries not to look quite so perturbed as they wait their turn to be processed. 

Waiting around is exhausting. They are only waiting around to go on a trip but Jaehyun can appreciate how much worse it would be to wait around for a year until Sangyeon meets his red line. Jaehyun isn't going to put either of them through that. 

The only thing Jaehyun can say for the process of waiting for the documents to be processed, the travel permit to be made up, and the final decision from The Entity is that the result is instantaneous. Of course The Entity would grant a permit as sycophantic as the date Jaehyun requested. 

They arrive at their destination, the eve of the new era, the day before The Entity took its place overseeing the district, and the streets look strange. Sangyeon isn't so concerned with the strange looks people are giving them as they walk with overnight bags to their assigned hotel. He quickly identifies what is different. 

"Did you know it would be this yellow in the past?" 

Jaehyun looks at the ground, a different grey to the shade he is used to. It almost looks brown as it is doused in the yellow light from above. The sky stretches blue in every direction but the light which falls to the earth is yellow. 

"This isn't how I imagined things," Jaehyun admits. 

Sangyeon grins. "The past is so strange. Everyone's eyes must hurt all the time if this is what outside looks like."

Jaehyun isn't so sure. Despite the strange light from the sky his eyes could never ache getting to see Sangyeon like this. 

"I love you," Jaehyun says. 

Sangyeon laughs, squeezes their hands together tighter, "I know. I love you too." 

Jaehyun decides that he doesn't like the past. Perhaps it is simply because he doesn't ever need to come back as far as this and things are never too different, but he doesn't like the past. Everything is slow here. It is slow and loud with strange lighting and bad smells, but when they arrive at their hotel room Sangyeon pulls Jaehyun into the bed and tells him that the trip is perfect. 

The trip feels odd to Jaehyun, not perfect, but he can't imagine anyone else being able to show Sangyeon the birth of the district. He hopes that even if someone spent their savings on a trip like this that it wouldn't feel the same to Sangyeon, that they wouldn't be able to hold Sangyeon in quite the same way with the promise of being able to show him something he would never see again. 

Witnessing the new era under The Entity is something that could only possibly be attended once. Whether or not Jaehyun could really change things, he knows that this night will be forever. Even in a world where Sangyeon never met Jaehyun, they will always have this night. 

The two of them dress up smart and for the first time in his life, Jaehyun gets to step inside the cobalt tower at the centre of the district. 

On the inside of the cobalt tower there is hardly a trace of blue. The decor is ornate, almost antique in how delicately intricate the winding motifs of early spring branches embroidered into table runners of deep red. Jaehyun isn't hungry as he sees all the slashes of red holding curtains and tables and even the feet of the guests into place. Even in this time before The Entity was acknowledged as the omniscient good of the district, the signs are all around. The exterior of the tower is clad in glittering shards of blue, purity and eternity stretching high enough to be seen from every corner of the district, yet the inside is splashed with the colour of endings. 

Though Jaehyun struggles to eat, surrounded by colours which fill him to the brim with dread, the night is a celebration all the same. He dances slowly with Sangyeon and is unable to look away from this man he loves more than he had ever thought to be possible. 

The two of them talk, just the pedestrian sort of commentary which reminds Jaehyun of how they chattered easily on the night they first met, and Jaehyun wants the conversation to stretch into forever. This might not be the second honeymoon he hoped to give to Sangyeon but in the morning they would be returning home to their time from their last trip together. And Jaehyun would return to work for the sake of a timeslip that he will steal from The Entity. 

Jaehyun doesn't think it is fair, that they are fixed forever in this night which will usher in the era of The Entity yet he will have to unravel everything of their happiness just to prove that The Entity doesn't have the absolute power they are meant to believe. 

The music stops and everyone in the cobalt tower flows onto the balconies of the scores of storeys. Sangyeon grips Jaehyun's hands tightly as he watches, mild horror furrowing his brow as the entire sky burns red. The fires which dance above the district are erratic, fast, and Jaehyun only looks directly at them to wonder just how many people have met their red lines because of The Entity which had not yet taken the mantle of presiding over the land. 

"Have we seen this before?" Sangyeon asks quietly. 

Jaehyun would definitely remember seeing the sky like this. He shakes his head and pulls Sangyeon flush against his side. 

After an eternity of the flaming sky, flashes of familiar blue slice through the billowing red, halo trails burning white in the wake of the precise slashes. The lines criss-cross the sky and bleed outwards until the red is entirely diluted to nothingness. As the sky deepens to inky dark, Jaehyun watches as Sangyeon’s expression relaxes into contentment. 

+

On the morning that Jaehyun timeslips he doesn't allow himself to do all that he wants to. He wants to hold onto Sangyeon forever but he doesn't. He can't. He just pulls Sangyeon close for the normal amount of time and says, "I love you," just the same way he does every day. 

And then he goes to work and pretends he isn't going to change his entire life. 

Sneaking away is easier than it should be. Juyeon helps Jaehyun check to make sure he can make his way to the slip zone without being spotted by too many colleagues at the agency. They can't avoid the cameras but the consequences won't exist for Jaehyun even if the CCTV is monitored. He won't be here by the time anyone comes to him. Though it feels a lot like The Entity is making things easier for Jaehyun. 

"Are you sure about this?" Juyeon asks as he unlocks one of the older model pods for time slipping. 

"It's Sangyeon," Jaehyun says. "How could I just let things carry on if something terrible is going to happen to him in the end? If it is a choice between me losing him in my life and Sangyeon losing his life entirely… I don't want to lose Sangyeon but I can't let anything happen to him."

Juyeon nods. "I get it. What do you think happens to the rest of us when you change time? Do you think it will hurt, our lives all being rerouted just so you can avoid meeting Sangyeon?" 

Jaehyun glances at the dark interior of the time slip pod. In theory he would be set into an eternal sleep but the point is to change the timeline entirely. So his body in this timeline and everyone and everything else would cease to exist. It is a big thought and Jaehyun would prefer to avoid it. 

"You sound like Sooyoung," Jaehyun tells Juyeon. "You won't remember a thing. You won't exist anymore."

Juyeon smiles. "I'm not sure if that makes me feel any better. Is there anything wrong with sounding like Sooyoung? She's probably smarter than you."

"But you're still here with me, making it happen. If you think about it The all-knowing Entity wouldn't let me do this unless it was meant to be. What was it they said in the old era? God's plan?" 

Juyeon laughs and pats Jaehyun on the back. "I'm glad to know that The Entity wants me to suffer for your sake."

Even though Jaehyun didn't allow himself to hold onto his last moments with Sangyeon, he's scared of a life that isn't quite his. Jaehyun pulls Juyeon close and wonders why this doesn't quite feel like the ending that it should do. 

"This is it," Jaehyun says. 

"What if it doesn't work?" Juyeon asks against Jaehyun's shoulder. 

"I'm not thinking about that," Jaehyun says. He draws away from the embrace and says, "Is it strange that I feel like I will miss you too?" 

Juyeon almost looks sad when he smiles but he shakes his head. "I'll be the same. Just younger."

It's true so Jaehyun tries not to think too hard as he climbs into the time slip pod. As the pod closes around him and he is sealed into this moment which exists nowhere, Jaehyun wishes he could just have waited one more day to lose the man he wants to save 

+

Jaehyun opens his eyes. He is at the restaurant where he will meet Sangyeon for the first time. 

For months Haknyeon has been pleading with Jaehyun to agree to a blind date. Jaehyun was convinced he was fine on his own every time the topic came up but two seconds into the date he had realised just how wrong he was. He desperately needed that perfect guy to be his plus-one at Haknyeon's wedding. He needed to take a chance on an awkward blind date to meet the love of his life and it was totally organic. Except it hasn't happened yet and Jaehyun has jumped back into the perfect time to change Sangyeon’s whole life. 

Jaehyun sits at the table in the restaurant, an overpriced menu at a place where every spare millimetre of space is optimised to fit in as many diners as possible, and savours the vestiges of the nonchalance that this naive and stupid Jaehyun had affected for the sake of not caring too much. Jaehyun wasn't the type of person to fall in love at first sight with someone just because Haknyeon withheld their name and appearance. But as much as Jaehyun wants to relive the whole date again he knows that it is the worst sort of temptation. 

Jaehyun stands up from the table, offers a stiff smile to a nearby waitress and walks away. They pass each other in the restaurant foyer, Sangyeon looking like the most ridiculous person Jaehyun has ever seen, and it is all Jaehyun can do to pretend to be taking a call and avoid the stray gaze through a useless pair of fashion specs. 

The ache that grips Jaehyun's chest once he reaches the post-rain saturation of the pavement is sharper than he expects. Seeing Sangyeon even just at a glance is too much. Dressed in his oversized fluffy jacket and wearing a beanie, Jaehyun really has to wonder what Sangyeon was even thinking. He is perfect. Except tonight Jaehyun isn't going to get to see any of that. Instead of thinking of how to convince his soulmate of exchanging mouthfuls of dessert he will be going home alone and praying he couldn't possibly meet Sangyeon in some other way. 

Jaehyun calls Sooyoung. He winces at her first question, "Did your date stand you up?" 

Jaehyun peers back through the restaurant. He feels lucky for the fact there are too many obstacles to let him see Sangyeon, surprised at being the first one there and typing on his phone whilst furtively glancing up in case his date arrives. 

"That's right," Jaehyun lies. 

"Oh no! I thought Haknyeon was trying to convince you to go on this date for so long because the guy he was setting you up with was perfect for you," Sooyoung grumbles. She is the best sort of friend. Jaehyun remembers how the post-date conversation had gone the first time around. It had taken place the day afterwards and Jaehyun had called Sooyoung in the afternoon after Sangyeon had eventually torn himself away at the behest of his assistant. Jaehyun had immediately begun to miss Sangyeon but he was glad of the opportunity to brag about the date to Sooyoung. She had listened that time, managing to sound both happy and annoyed at once. But this time she is another sort of friend, offering comfort and ready to defend Jaehyun's honour. 

"He must not have been perfect after all," Jaehyun says through gritted teeth. 

"That guy is stupid," Sooyoung says. "Come over. Let's drink beer and eat chicken and make fun of all the happy couples we know."

"Even your best friend?" Jaehyun asks, seeing as Jiwoo is half of the happiest couple Jaehyun has ever encountered. Sooyoung pauses for a moment, probably considering whether Jiwoo and Haknyeon should be off limits. Eventually she decides,

"Especially Jiwoo."

Jaehyun forces a laugh. As he orders a car and looks up and down the vibrant blue of the street, Jaehyun wonders how long it will take for the emptiness inside to subside. He supposes The Entity might get to him first but as long as he gets to save Sangyeon that's alright. 

+

Jaehyun's first reaction when he sees Sangyeon again is disbelief. Except Sangyeon is grinning at Juyeon like their infinite secrets give him endless joy. And Jaehyun can only stand by and watch as Juyeon slips his hands through Sangyeon’s hair and kisses the smile right off his lips. 

Jaehyun glances around but the few people who have caught sight of Juyeon and Sangyeon, just Haknyeon and his fiancée Jiwoo and a handful of others, turn away with knowing smiles, the sort that indicate they are far too used to the happy couple who can't keep their hands off one another even in public. Jaehyun doesn't understand because he has only lived this life again for three months since he avoided meeting Sangyeon. Already Sangyeon has stumbled into Jaehyun's life and their meeting appears the wrong sort of inevitable. 

Jaehyun looks away and goes to the bar to get himself a drink. He feels sick; the feelings he had always had are churning up with the realisation that Sangyeon had never had these feelings for Jaehyun, never had the chance. Sangyeon doesn't love Jaehyun but he can be just as happy without him. That is something Jaehyun had pretended he would accept but he hadn't once thought he would have to see Sangyeon being happy with someone else. 

"Someone is going to notice if you don't make your face look less like a smacked arse," Sooyoung notes as she takes the barstool beside Jaehyun. 

She looks beautiful, of course, in the sort of dress which is flashy but not to the extent anyone could genuinely accuse her of trying to upstage the bride-to-be. Sooyoung is about to meet one of the great loves of her life and Jaehyun is going to have to swallow back his bitterness at reliving the moment without Sangyeon at his side. It seemed like fate the first time, Jaehyun and Sooyoung reaching the same rite of passage within a few months of each other, but knowing what is coming now feels like a punishment. 

"You already have noticed," Jaehyun tells Sooyoung. She laughs. 

"I meant someone proper. Not someone who makes a living by clearing up your messes."

"Do you think you could even clear up this mess?" 

Sooyoung tilts her head and looks Jaehyun up and down. "What is the mess?" 

Jaehyun shakes his head. He can't say anything aloud when he is still in denial. Sooyoung doesn't pay that too much mind. 

"I heard that after the wedding, Jiwoo and Haknyeon are going to apply to The Entity. They want to leave the district."

Jaehyun hasn't heard anything like that. It didn't happen last time, when Jaehyun was happy. He glances at Sooyoung as she waves over the bartender with a soft smile. Oh. There she is, Jo Haseul who squeezes around her colleague whose name Jaehyun should be able to recall from his past life. 

"What can I get you?" Haseul asks. Sooyoung, for all her composure and claims of being well put-together, gapes like a fish for a few moments. 

"Maybe a water," Jaehyun suggests. "She'll order something proper in a moment." 

"Do you want ice?" 

"Please." 

Haseul brings over a massive glass of icy water and leaves with a smile. And then Sooyoung regains the power of speech. 

"What just happened?" 

"I was about to ask you," Jaehyun says. "Could you not fit your brain into that tiny dress if yours?" 

Sooyoung laughs drily. "Shut up. What if she hears you saying things like that and thinks you're my boyfriend?" 

"Then I doubt she'll want to take a risk on someone who has already made me so miserable."

Sooyoung's expression softens. "So you can admit that you're miserable? Who do I need to kill? Or who did you kill?" 

Jaehyun shakes his head but he can already feel the stricken smile forming at his lips. For all her brilliance, Sooyoung has a knack of making Jaehyun unravel. 

"It would be nice if you could put me out of my misery," Jaehyun offers. 

"In this dress? The blood would never come out."

"Why are you bringing up blood? You could be nice about it and just snap my neck. Don't you think I am suffering enough?" Jaehyun grumbles. "But whilst we're on the subject, why are you wearing a white dress? Isn't that a big faux pas at weddings?" 

Sooyoung thumps Jaehyun's arm. Apparently he has not yet suffered enough. 

"This isn't a wedding, we're just here for a random party for the happy couple. And you should probably get your eyes checked. This isn't white it's champagne."

No sooner has Sooyoung said the words, a champagne flute is placed on the bar with a singular strawberry floating in the bubbles. A blush is already fighting its way through Haseul's polite smile as she is caught bringing over a drink that hasn't been ordered. 

"That's just charming," Jaehyun grumbles. "You were just worrying that someone might think I'm your boyfriend and some sleeze is buying you a drink anyway. Dumped twice in one night. Sooyoung, I'm being serious. Just make it quick, nobody is going to look for my body anyway."

"Oh. Are you two together? I thought that maybe—" 

"I am!" Sooyoung interrupts Haseul loudly. "Single. I am single. Ignore him, we just work together. My name is Sooyoung, what's yours?" 

"So now we're not even friends?" 

"I'm Haseul, it's nice to meet you, Sooyoung. You look really nice."

"Thank you," Sooyoung says. She tucks her hair behind her ear and flutters her eyelashes. She is all in so soon. The last time Jaehyun was here on this night, Sooyoung was several drinks deeper before outright asking Haseul on a date. This time Haseul is the one making the first move and Jaehyun wishes things were just as easy for him. 

"How much do I owe you for this?" 

Haseul wipes her palms on her apron. "Um. It's on the house."

Jaehyun almost wants to cover his eyes. Covering his ears would have been a shout. But he isn't smart enough to consider that and Sooyoung is dropping her voice low and saying, "I couldn't possibly take this drink for free. Let me give you something in return."

Jaehyun shuffles further along the bar and manages to get a drink from the other bartender. With his sorrows drowning at the bottom of a glass, Jaehyun glances over at Sooyoung who is monopolising Haseul and then his gaze is dragged over to Sangyeon who is smiling at Juyeon as though he intends to give him the world. 

Maybe some things aren't worth quite that much. 

+

In another life, Jaehyun's unit felt like a home. He had Sangyeon here with him to absorb some of the loneliness not too long after Haknyeon had moved out to find a home with Jiwoo. Right now he lives alone and pretends he doesn't miss a man he shouldn't know. 

But even in the gaps he tries to fill with denial, Jaehyun misses other people too. 

"You're going back to the office again?" Sooyoung asks as she surveys the scene. Another expensive rug sealed into dense plastic ready to be dissolved. 

Once upon a time, before Jaehyun did his job, there was a person who tried to stitch time however they wanted. Just like Jaehyun, that person had a reason, a deep motivation, and they were prepared to risk everything for that goal. They were willing to pay the price and they had to in the end. Jaehyun wonders whether he will end up the same way. 

Sooyoung nudges Jaehyun's shoulder. So it really was a question rather than a prediction. 

"That's right. I just have a few things to go over. Do you need me to check anything for you?" 

Sooyoung's expression tightens. "What reason could you possibly have to do endless overtime?" 

Jaehyun shakes his head. "Do you sometimes forget that Haknyeon and Jiwoo are gone?" 

"They just went to a different district," Sooyoung says, unfortunately alarmed. 

"Is that what happened? Are you sure?" 

"What's the matter, Jaehyun?" 

"Nothing. Home is empty. It makes me wonder whether Haknyeon ever existed at all."

"You need to take a break," Sooyoung says firmly. "You work too much. You should come over at the weekend. Haseul and I are taking Jinsol on one of those experience days. Paragliding, you know? You can come too like a double date."

Jaehyun manages a smile. "You get double the dates and I get to be all alone. Is that it?" 

"You spend too much time alone. If you don't want to come with us then just you and I can do something together. What do you want to do?" 

"Finding someone to love would be nice."

"I love you," Sooyoung says but she immediately decides it isn't the right answer. "Let's go out on the pull. We'll find you someone."

Jaehyun shakes his head. "I already found that person. They're just not going to love me back. But maybe I will come over at the weekend. Let me know when you get back from your day out and you can tell me all about it."

Sooyoung pinches Jaehyun's cheek. She isn't giving up but she is going to leave things alone for now. That's all Jaehyun wants. 

+

Juyeon is an easy man to find and Jaehyun struggles to pity his friend for never progressing in his career. Apparently he is happy just plotting whatever maps are asked of him without aiming for any of the supervisory roles even within the same department. He has the same office in this life and the last time Jaehyun was inclined to waste time distracting Juyeon from working multiple times each week. 

"Are you busy?" Jaehyun asks as he leans into Juyeon's work pod. The smiles he gets in response is all the invitation Jaehyun needs to pull up a seat and encourage Juyeon to shirk his duties. Only Jaehyun isn't doing this for fun. 

Jaehyun stares into Juyeon's guileless eyes and wonders how they would change with the knowledge that he was hurting Jaehyun right now. The Jaehyun reflected in Juyeon's eyes looks grim, fierce, and Jaehyun looks away and affects a milder air. He doesn't feel particularly mild when he catches sight of a photograph stuck to the corner of Juyeon's workstation monitor. A couple are sitting on a promenade bench, fingers twisted idly together, Sangyeon distracted, pointing somewhere off behind the photographer, whilst Juyeon is smiling at him with naked bliss. It is too intimate a photograph to display at work and Jaehyun's chest sears. 

"I never thought I would see you this happy," Jaehyun says, almost embarrassed for having seen the photograph. Juyeon raises his eyebrows, uncertain, before he glances at the picture and grins at Jaehyun. 

"I'm a lucky man."

"You really are." 

Juyeon doesn't ask what that means. Instead he says, "What brings you over here?" 

"I was just wondering about maps. How much will it cost you to do mine?" 

Juyeon grins. "How could I make my best friend pay?" 

It is a very good question. That's right. They're best friends. That's the story Jaehyun needs to remember before he goes on resenting Juyeon for something that isn't his fault. 

"How long will it take you? A week?" 

Juyeon grins and shakes his head. "No way. Tomorrow. I might even finish it by the end of the day. What are you hoping to see?" 

"Just wondering if my life is going to keep on like this. Empty, boring."

Juyeon sits up straighter and leans closer to Jaehyun. "Hey, that doesn't sound great. Did something happen?" 

"No. I'm fine," Jaehyun lies. Something did happen, over a year ago, but who is Jaehyun to admit any of that? He can't say it to poor, trusting Juyeon. It wouldn't be fair in this timeline where Juyeon doesn't know a thing. 

"I don't believe you."

"You should try," Jaehyun says with a shrug. "You don't need to worry about me. Seeing my map might settle whatever this is."

"I'll get it done for you today," Juyeon promises. "Maybe you have something good in store."

Jaehyun smiles for Juyeon's sake. "Maybe. Do you have anything good in future?" 

Juyeon looks proud, almost bashful as he produces the map of Sangyeon. The light is faint but pleasant. Juyeon even switches the dimmer at his workstation so that the map has more contrast whilst spread across his desk. Slowly he trails his forefinger along the brightest line that winds across the indistinct terrain of Sangyeon’s entire lifetime. 

"I won't bother showing you mine because Sangyeon’s map is much prettier than mine. 

Jaehyun isn't an expert. He isn't even a hobbyist. He wouldn't know what makes a map pretty but Juyeon is grinning widely as he points out the path of Sangyeon’s life. The path is dark, deep and steady. There isn't even a flicker of red. 

"He's going to do so many amazing things," Juyeon says as his index finger traces the winding route. "He's going to be happy. He has a bit of a rough patch here, right at the time of the rebirth, but he works it all out. I think it must be something to do with one of his books, so I will take care to do whatever he needs me to do, but after that the whole thing is pure happiness."

Jaehyun pretends he understands. He does understand the sentiment, but he has never understood the cartography of a lifetime. He supposes it must be in the same way that Juyeon doesn't understand what lengths The Entity would go through for the sake of putting things back to the original plot. 

"What's the rebirth?" 

"The Entity," Juyeon says with a frown. "Around a year ago the Department of Protection announced that The Entity was reaching the end of its life, did you not hear?" 

Jaehyun shakes his head. He probably should have heard, he was certainly here, but he has had other things on his mind all along, namely the mortification of seeing Sangyeon existing where he could be seen by Jaehyun and his breaking heart. 

Juyeon tilts his head to the side and says, "A rebirth was planned so that a new era begins eighty-two years after this one started."

That hadn't happened the last time. Jaehyun had come from a timeline that was eighty-six years into the New Era, the same Entity which had dawned on the night Jaehyun watched the sky bleed. There was so much red back then that Jaehyun wonders whether it hurt, whether The Entity could feel the pain of being born and decided to pay that back to the people of the district with ferrous gashes across the maps that make their lives. But even if that is the case, Jaehyun managed to erase that from Sangyeon’s map. 

He stares at the illuminated map, eventually he points out, "There's no red. Not for a long time."

"Yeah. There's nothing that will change that," Juyeon says. "No matter what, he gets to live long and happy."

Jaehyun swallows the lump in his throat. He should be happy. A friend would be happy. 

"How good is this life going to be? Will you marry him?" 

Juyeon pauses. "I hadn't thought about that. Do you think I should? Would you?" 

Jaehyun can't answer that. He did marry Sangyeon and it was the best thing he ever did. But he can't bring himself to wish happiness like that upon Juyeon, no matter how good a friend he wants to be. 

+

Jaehyun waits patiently for the door to open after knocking. His nerves already feel alight beneath his skin. This is the most exciting thing Jaehyun has ever done, just waiting to see if Sangyeon might talk to him. 

When the door opens, Sangyeon’s face is guarded behind the round wire-rimmed spectacles on his face. "Can I help you?" 

"Is Juyeon home?" Jaehyun asks, not letting the negativity get him down. He already knows the answer to his question and that is positive enough. 

"No."

"It must just be the two of us then. I am Jaehyun." 

"I know who you are," Sangyeon says with a small smile. "You're Juyeon's friend who hates me."

"You think I hate you?" Jaehyun asks, trying not to deflate. 

"You have been avoiding me since I started going out with Juyeon. I know that you have cancelled plans just because you know that I am going to be there. Do you want to come in?" 

Jaehyun hadn't ever attempted to be subtle about avoiding Sangyeon but hearing the acknowledgement does make the back of his neck itch. But Sangyeon is inviting him in, regardless of the perceived dislike, and that is all Jaehyun could want for now. 

The home Sangyeon has made with Juyeon is cosy in all the ways that Jaehyun's home was before he unmet Sangyeon. Jaehyun's current home is in flux, still looking like Haknyeon hadn't quite finished moving out whilst not quite being in any state for Jaehyun to start shopping around for a new roommate. But here, this place Sangyeon has invited him into, feels like exactly the place he wants to live. 

There is a strangely yellowish lamp switched on beside a haphazard pile of printed novels and one of the sofa cushions is strewn with handwritten notes and large sheets of unfolded papers. There are assorted keyrings on the desk at the far side of the room and there are several large jumpers draped over chairs which must not be from the basket of clean laundry waiting to be folded. Sangyeon must be right about to crack his next big case, work out the perfect twist for the novel he is writing. Jaehyun remembers home being a perpetual mess right up until Sangyeon’s assistant had managed to get a draft submitted to the publishers on time. This is what Jaehyun has missed whilst living a life that has never really been his - he has missed Sangyeon barely being able to keep on top of the small chores he promised to take care of, he has missed Sangyeon waking him up at odd hours of the night to read out excerpts of manuscripts, he has missed Sangyeon spending days focused on getting scenes written out only to scrap them and argue against going out on an impromptu date which he'd inevitably enjoy. 

Jaehyun's throat feels dry and his eyes sting. He looks at Sangyeon rather than the home he wishes he had, only Sangyeon looks more alarmed than anything. 

"Sorry it's such a mess. I didn't realise…"

"Don't worry about it. Do you want me to neaten up? You know what they say: tidy house, tidy mind."

"Who says that?" Sangyeon asks with a frown. He looks like he has just woken up. This sort of expression isn't unfamiliar to Jaehyun and he can't help the smile that spreads on his face at Sangyeon’s dazed confusion. "What are you grinning about? You're a guest. Just sit down. Do you want a drink?" 

"Yes," Jaehyun says unhelpfully. Sangyeon makes an irritated sound before shuffling off to the kitchen. 

In Sangyeon’s absence Jaehyun pretends he intends to make himself comfortable. And then there is what he feels most comfortable doing. 

Jaehyun is already a third of the way through the basket of laundry, folding everything up neat, by the time Sangyeon returns with bottles of soju and glasses that are a bit too large for purpose. He frowns at Jaehyun but doesn't say anything. He just sits on the floor at the low table where Jaehyun had been piling up the folded clothes. Sangyeon crosses his legs and makes a gesture which Jaehyun assumes is to summon him to the floor, only Sangyeon frowns when Jaehyun obliges. 

"Tell me, Jaehyun, why are you here?" Sangyeon asks as he pours out two glasses. 

"I thought it might be nice to visit. I hear you kill people for a living."

Sangyeon’s face pulls into an odd expression but he nods slowly. "Have you read my books?" 

"Of course. I'm a big fan."

"Right."

"I'm not just here for the books. Tell me about yourself. We should get to know each other just in case."

"In case of what?" 

Jaehyun tries not to smile too widely but the question isn't guarded or cold, rather there is the almost conspiratorial lilt that drew him in on that date that feels like a lifetime ago. 

"I wouldn't want to give everything away just yet," Jaehyun tells him. 

+

On their way to a departmental training session, Sooyoung elbows Jaehyun. "Did something good happen? Normally you don't shut up complaining about training days but you're still grinning like a fool."

"Do I look happy?" 

"As happy as Jinsol did when Haseul kissed her for the first time."

"Oh my," Jaehyun says, mock scandal in his tone, "That is very happy."

"Hmm," Sooyoung agrees. "Who have you kissed?" 

"There are better things in the world than kissing, Sooyoung, but maybe you're not sophisticated enough to realise that." 

Sooyoung shoves him hard enough that he almost trips into the wall. Jaehyun doesn't appreciate being pushed but he doesn't have the spirit in him to get annoyed. He is happy. He manages to avoid further questioning by accusing Sooyoung of trying to kill him but his happiness still feels too much like a secret to admit the truth to it in this timeline. 

He gets to see Sangyeon whenever he wants and Sangyeon is going to live. 

+

Jaehyun spots Sangyeon from across the room. Being able to identify him so easily from just half of his face at this masquerade ball on the eve of the rebirth would be something to feel guilty about if he hadn't already spent years of another life memorising every pore of Sangyeon’s body. Beneath the mask, Sangyeon’s expression is difficult to identify but Jaehyun can tell it isn't a good one. Sangyeon peers down into his glass and his shoulders sag as he leans against the tall table. 

As he crosses the ballroom, Jaehyun wonders whether something awful has happened, whether Sangyeon and Juyeon have had a terrible fight, but he tries not to hope for too much. 

"Would you like to dance?" 

Sangyeon looks up and whatever response he had ready dissolves on his tongue and his lips curve into a smile. 

"It's just you."

"It's just me," Jaehyun agrees. "Is my mask not very good? How did you recognise me right away?" 

"Aside from the fact that I know your voice?" Sangyeon laughs. "I just had a feeling that you'd come to bother me at some point. What is your mask supposed to be anyway? A weasel?" 

"It's a wolf. I think," Jaehyun says quickly. "I'm not sure. That's not important. Do you want to dance?" 

Sangyeon sighs. Jaehyun expects further pushback but Sangyeon smiles and places his glass down at the table and takes Jaehyun's hand. 

Jaehyun's breath feels solid in his chest as Sangyeon sways slowly in Jaehyun's arms, his hands firm against Jaehyun's waist. Maybe the mask doesn't quite obscure enough. Maybe Sangyeon can too easily see the extent of Jaehyun’s desperate adoration. If Sangyeon can see everything Jaehyun is feeling he is kind enough not to mention it. 

"Why did you want to dance with me? Did you get ditched by your date?" 

"Do you think that could really have happened? I'm a pleasure to spend the evening with. Anyone would be lucky to have me as a date," Jaehyun says. 

"I'm not asking what your mother tells you to make you feel better about yourself. Why won't your date dance with you?" 

"You're right. I was ditched," Jaehyun lies. Saying this feels more comfortable than admitting to Sangyeon that he hadn't brought a date in the first place. Perhaps it is too pathetic that even with the knowledge that he isn't allowed to love Sangyeon the same he still can't pretend away the feelings. "I thought you wouldn't let a friend embarrass himself."

"Are we friends?" 

"What would you call us?" 

Sangyeon’s smile is almost sly as he says, "Enemies."

"That's disappointing. Do you think we'd be friends if I had met you first?" 

Sangyeon’s jaw tightens but he is still smiling. "What does that mean?" 

"If I met you before Juyeon did."

Of course Jaehyun is pushing his luck with a question like that but Sangyeon keeps saying things like this, like he really thinks that Jaehyun hates him. It is impossible. Jaehyun loves Sangyeon and he can't bear the fact that Sangyeon thinks otherwise. 

"We were supposed to meet like that," Sangyeon says. 

"What?" 

"Why are you pretending that you don't know? Haknyeon set us up on a blind date. You never turned up and then I heard you lied and said that I was the one who didn't show. Remember?" 

Jaehyun does remember. "I'm sorry."

Sangyeon laughs. "Why are you sorry? I'm happy." 

"How long have you known?" 

"Not long. Just a year," Sangyeon says easily. 

"A year is a long time," Jaehyun says despite thinking the same as Sangyeon, that it is no time at all. It wasn't any time at all when it was all the time Sangyeon had left to live. 

"Maybe. But now that we're talking about it, why did you do that? Why did you stand me up and lie about it?" 

Jaehyun hadn't ever expected he would need to answer something like this. The truth is easy but it isn't believable. 

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Jaehyun says quietly. He can't say. He doesn't want to say and that isn't solely because they are surrounded by people dancing dangerously close at this masquerade ball. 

"Try me. I have an open mind." 

Perhaps Sangyeon really does have an open mind but they are holding each other, just barely moving enough to be considered dancing, and tonight is the rebirth of The Entity, ready for another era, and Jaehyun is certain that The Entity knows what he has done and is waiting for the perfect time to destroy him. 

"I was nervous," Jaehyun lies. I wasn't ready. I didn't think I would be good enough for you. "

"But you didn't know me," Sangyeon points out. "You were right. I don't believe you." 

"I know. I wish that I could have just gone on the date. I wish I could have met you the right way, Sangyeon."

Sangyeon stops smiling. His eyes aren't quite clear through the mask, the lace stretched across his face casting more shadows in his face than Jaehyun can clearly discern. 

"You shouldn't say things like that," Sangyeon says. 

"I know."

"Let's just stop talking," Sangyeon says firmly. 

They stop talking, just move slowly together, and Jaehyun doesn't want anything in this moment to change. Sangyeon isn't happy with him but they're at an impasse. Jaehyun is allowed to be pathetic and desperate as he holds onto Sangyeon. 

Too soon, Juyeon appears and slips Sangyeon away from Jaehyun. A friend shouldn't be so cruel even if it isn't intentional. Juyeon kisses a smile onto Sangyeon’s face and then thanks Jaehyun for looking after Sangyeon for him, like keeping the love of his life company is a favour for someone else. 

Jaehyun leaves the couple in their insular happiness. He can surely make up his own happiness by pretending away his misery. 

Sangyeon knows that Jaehyun lied, that Jaehyun had avoided meeting him on the day that changed it all. The positive side of the situation isn't completely obfuscated. Sangyeon isn't dying, at least not in the same way as before. Jaehyun still gets to talk to Sangyeon and see him. Not being able to love him is a small sacrifice for being able to see Sangyeon avoid disaster. 

Jaehyun is struggling to convince himself to be happy so he isn't too concerned with gathering at the windows and balconies like the rest of the guests at the masquerade ball. He has already seen this all before, eighty-two years ago at the dawn of the new era when the sky bled over the district. 

As usual Jaehyun can see Sangyeon as he is enraptured by the sight. Having Sangyeon in his sights is not even an intentional habit. Jaehyun has been trying to avoid Sangyeon all along but he supposes that being so conscious of a man he shouldn't know just makes it easier to spot him. But because Jaehyun always sees Sangyeon it is easy to compare the Sangyeon he sees with the Sangyeon he used to know. 

This Sangyeon looks concerned as he stares, unblinking, at the howling scarlet skies. This Sangyeon looks up at Juyeon standing next to him but Juyeon doesn't notice. Jaehyun supposes it must be difficult to turn away from a sight as harrowing as the very atmosphere being torn apart if it hasn't been seen before. 

Sangyeon’s gaze doesn't settle on Juyeon. He turns to look at Jaehyun. His eyes are wide through the mask and his face is frozen between one thought and the next. 

He remembers. 

Jaehyun doesn't understand how but Sangyeon remembers something which never happened to him. 

+

"Who are you?" Sangyeon asks. He looks like he ran all the way to Jaehyun's unit from the unit he shares with Juyeon but that would be ridiculous. They live in completely different parts of the district. But Sangyeon’s chest is heaving and he is sopping wet as he leans against the doorframe and glares at Jaehyun. 

"I'm Juyeon's friend from work," Jaehyun says cautiously. Sangyeon shoves past Jaehyun, into the unit where he lived in another lifetime before Jaehyun changed it all. For a second, Sangyeon stops and stares. And then he strides back through the unit and into Jaehyun's bedroom. He tears back the flimsy curtains and throws the window open, allows the sound of thunder to rumble into the bedroom under the constant whoosh of the rain. 

"Are you alright?" Jaehyun asks from the bedroom doorway. The hard look Sangyeon turns on Jaehyun suggests that he is not alright at all. 

"I asked Juyeon what exactly you do. Apparently you keep conditions within the parameters stipulated by protocol, whatever that means. But in terms that people like me can understand, you're an enforcer of The Entity's will, aren't you?" 

"Sangyeon, what happened?" 

"You!" Sangyeon yells. "You happened! I just want to know why you've messed with my life? What did The Entity have you change?" 

Jaehyun shakes his head but that doesn't appear to be the answer Sangyeon wants. Of course if The Entity had a hand in things Sangyeon would never even know. But Jaehyun isn't omniscient and he has no immaculately overreaching powers. He is just a man who wanted to save a life. 

"What did you do to me?" 

"It wasn't The Entity," Jaehyun says quietly. Sangyeon must hear him, even over the roar of the rain outside. His expression shifts into something far less certain than the ferocity of his eyes when Jaehyun had opened the unit door to the incessant banging. 

"What do you mean? Did you do something to me because you decided it?" 

Jaehyun's chest aches. He hadn't ever envisioned having to explain any of this to Sangyeon. In the first place he was never meant to meet Sangyeon but that isn't how things turned out. Jaehyun takes a fortifying breath and walks over to the window where Sangyeon stands. The rain shooting out of the steel blue sky pricks his skin and Jaehyun wants to put himself between the needlesharp precipitation and Sangyeon. But Sangyeon flinches away and Jaehyun doesn't feel quite so numb as he wishes he did. 

"You were going to die and I couldn't let that happen."

"Are you sure that's it?" Sangyeon asks with a cruel slant to his mouth. "That just sounds like a shoddy excuse. Do you know what actually makes sense?" 

"I'm telling the truth, Sangyeon."

"Are you sure about that? Because every time I close my eyes I see you. You tell me that you love me, that you would do anything for me, but when I open my eyes I know a man who went out of his way to avoid meeting me. If you wanted shot of me you could have just dumped me. I can't imagine what I did for you to regret meeting me in the first place."

"That's not it—" 

"If I wasn't so angry I think maybe I'd like this lie of yours. You sound like a hero," Sangyeon says, uncomfortably quiet amidst it all. "Tell me, Mr Hero, if I jump out of this window right now, who will save me? You or The Entity?" 

Whether Sangyeon intends to act upon his question or not, Jaehyun drags Sangyeon away from the window the second there is a motion towards it. With Sangyeon pressed into the bed beneath him, Jaehyun isn't sure he can do this anymore. 

"Please, Sangyeon, I can't lose you. You have to know that."

Sangyeon’s eyes are screwed tightly shut and his breaths are bated. He just about whispers, "Why did you do this to me, Jaehyun? My head hurts so much. Ever since that night you've been everywhere. Everything I do, I remember something about you which never happened."

"I know," Jaehyun says even though he doesn't really know at all. At least for him he had always remembered everything there is to remember about Sangyeon. He never forgot. All of the knowledge sneaking back up on Sangyeon now can't be easy. "You've always been everywhere for me too. I'm sorry that you had to remember me."

Sangyeon exhales shakily, shivers beneath Jaehyun, but at least he isn't under the vicious torrent of the rain. Jaehyun feels numb all over aside from where he is touching Sangyeon but this almost feels worth it. And then cautious hands grasp at Jaehyun and pull him down flush against Sangyeon. This is the closest Jaehyun has felt to home in years yet he can barely cope with the surge of despair that rises into the back of his throat as he re-remembers all the parts of Sangyeon he'd sworn he forgot. 

+

Sangyeon looks like he is about to slam the door to the unit shut again but instead he sighs and pulls Jaehyun inside. They don't get further than that. Sangyeon pins Jaehyun against the door and he has a hyperfocused glint in his eyes. 

"I told Juyeon what happened."

Jaehyun lets his head fall backwards. As much as the guilt was gnawing at him from the inside, Jaehyun had hoped to at least pretend Sangyeon was his once more. 

"What did he say?" Jaehyun asks. He has seen Juyeon many times since, even today Jaehyun went to bother Juyeon at his workstation, but there was no mention of what Jaehyun did with Sangyeon. Not even a hint of malice in Juyeon's countenance as he fell easily into their same old pattern. But it makes sense when Sangyeon balks at the question. Juyeon didn't say anything. 

"I told him that it wouldn't happen again," Sangyeon says firmly. "It was a mistake. I wouldn't want to hurt him but I was overwhelmed by too much happening at once."

"Sangyeon," Jaehyun interrupts, "He's not here to listen to you say it all again. But he must have known it was going to happen."

"What are you talking about?" Sangyeon asks as he slips away. And there it is, Sangyeon breaking Jaehyun's heart all over again. 

"He showed me your map, like he did before I came back to change things, and he said that after the rebirth you'd struggle but then you'd live on happily," Jaehyun says carefully. "Who are you going to choose? Who is going to get to make you happy?" 

"Juyeon." There's no hesitation. Sangyeon wields the name like the swiftest of sabres. "Even if I cheated on him, he's the one I love right now. Here. He's my boyfriend. Why wouldn't I choose him?"

"You're my husband," Jaehyun says. "We were married for two years, together for six, when I came back to save you. Why can't you choose me?" 

Sangyeon shakes his head. "You walked away from me. I'm not a person who can do that. I choose Juyeon. I have to."

Jaehyun exhales shakily. He isn't sure what he expected but for some reason it wasn't this. 

"Isn't there some small part of you that misses me?" 

Sangyeon lowers his gaze. 

"The life that you remember isn't anything that happened to me. Your Sangyeon is back where you left him."

If that is the case Jaehyun doesn't have a Sangyeon anymore. The world he left behind in the timeslip shouldn't exist anymore. Yet Sangyeon is able to remember things about that time without having lived it. The reasons for that aren't infinite. He isn't an entirely different person. He is still the man Jaehyun loves. 

"You know that's not true," Jaehyun tells Sangyeon. "Do you really not feel anything for me right now?" 

"Pity."

Jaehyun's hands tremble as he reaches for Sangyeon’s face and tilts his chin up so their eyes can meet once more. 

"Why do you pity me?" Jaehyun asks. "I am yours. I have always been yours. I'm happy."

"This shouldn't make you happy."

"I can't help it," Jaehyun says. He takes a chance because he needs to so he leans in closer to Sangyeon, close enough that he can feel the frustrated puff of air from Sangyeon’s exhale. "Make me happier, Sangyeon. I'm never going to stop being yours."

+

Jaehyun has been neglecting Sooyoung lately. She hasn't said anything directly but during lunches at work she has been patiently waiting. She is too good at cleaning up Jaehyun's messes, she has just been kind enough to wait for Jaehyun to admit it this time. 

"To what do I owe this honour?" Sooyoung asks when Jaehyun comes to find her. She never eats lunch at her desk when they are on office-based days but Jaehyun knows to find her on one of the ninth floor balconies even if the climate has cooled recently. 

Jaehyun sits on the bench beside her. "I want to take you out for lunch. I've been a bad friend so I should at least do this. Will that keep?" 

Sooyoung grins, "I'm not going to miss the chance of you buying me lunch. I'll just chuck this in the fridge. What are you getting me?" 

"Whatever you want."

What Sooyoung wants is beef bone broth from a place which has a menu of one item. 

"I didn't think you were going to choose my lunch for me too," Jaehyun grumbles when they're seated at one of the tables lined up against the peeling painted walls of the tiny restaurant. 

"I've been feeling my age lately so I need to detox," Sooyoung says. "You too. You look like you've been struggling with a lot."

"Maybe," Jaehyun shrugs despite the fact that Sooyoung is exactly right. "How are things at home?" 

"Do you really want to know?" Sooyoung levels. "I assumed you'd been moping around so much in your misery so that you didn't have to hear about the joys of domestic bliss."

"Is that what it seems like? Tell me about yours anyway."

Sooyoung looks like she is considering the request, ruminating over whatever merits she can see whilst drawing deeply from her broth, before she finally speaks. "We're looking at trying for a baby." 

"Wow, that's amazing!" This might be the most different thing Jaehyun has heard since the reset. Sooyoung was happy before but this wasn't anything she had ever mentioned. "I can't believe I'm going to be uncle Jaehyun."

"Stop it! Nothing has happened yet, we're just looking at our options." No matter what Sooyoung claims she is glowing pink with pride. 

"I'm happy for you, Sooyoung. I never thought I'd see you settle down like this."

"Me neither. Life just crept up on me and now I'm getting ready to be someone's boring mom."

Jaehyun laughs. Becoming a boring mom has already started to set in seeing as Sooyoung is serious about this detox. Despite everything, some things have worked out better this time around. 

+

"Jaehyun, I love Sangyeon," Juyeon says quietly. Jaehyun glances at him uncertainly. That should not be surprising, it shouldn't be the sort of thing whispered as a confession that begs to be forgiven. 

Jaehyun stops walking, holding up the box to measure the luminescence at the edge of the district -- 87.6 foot-Lamberts from sixteen metres away -- and shows the frozen measurement for Juyeon to note down for the annual survey. Juyeon is supposed to be taking a measurement with the sound meter for Jaehyun to note the figure on his records but he is simply standing beside Jaehyun expectantly. 

Jaehyun sighs. "Of course you love him. He's your boyfriend."

Juyeon shakes his head. "Jaehyun, I have always loved him."

The words almost sound like something that Jaehyun doesn't want to hear. He swallows quickly against the bile rising in his throat and makes a scruffy note of the luminescence in his own logbook. And when he looks up again Juyeon is waiting. So Jaehyun isn't allowed to dodge this. 

"What does 'always' mean?" 

"It means what it means. It means that I have always loved Sangyeon, even when the paths were different."

Jaehyun closes his eyes and exhales roughly. Perhaps when he opens his eyes he will find himself in an imagined situation. Only, Jaehyun opens his eyes and nothing is different save for the guilt on Juyeon's face. 

"What does 'always' mean?" Jaehyun repeats. "Tell me in a way that I can understand."

"I have loved Sangyeon since he was yours." 

Jaehyun wishes he could blame a moment of rage, a knee-jerk reaction to the most unwanted stimulus of all, for what he does. Jaehyun really wishes he could shy away from culpability but he knows exactly what he is doing as he tackles Juyeon to the ground and punches him until his knuckles are tender and bruised. Jaehyun wants to ask why Juyeon doesn't fight back but even with his lip split and his left eye already swelling with the blooming of his aggravated face, the pity is still on his face. Juyeon doesn't fight back because he thinks this will make them even. 

Jaehyun can't breathe. He is choking on hate for Juyeon, for himself, even a little bit for Sangyeon who could fall for someone else, choose someone else. Heat is brimming in Jaehyun's face, stinging at his eyes and making his nose prickle as the urgent need for air goes unsatiated. 

It isn't fair that Jaehyun must cry alone, but Juyeon simply circles his hand around Jaehyun's wrist and offers an apology mumbled through lips which are too sore to properly pronounce the word. 

"Why?" Jaehyun asks, clawing at his neck with his free hand, and tugging for a way to relieve the pressure against his chest. "Why did you have to do this?" 

"I love Sangyeon," Juyeon says. 

It isn't fair. Jaehyun loves Sangyeon too. Jaehyun would do anything for Sangyeon, has watched him love someone else, even if he must endure his soul decaying. 

+

Jaehyun is already feeling bruised, emotionally too sensitive from the disciplinary meeting which ended in him getting suspended when he opens his front door and is greeted with a fist. He backs away from Sangyeon, holding the blooming heat in his cheek, and wonders exactly how Juyeon framed things. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"What gives you the right to hit anyone?" Sangyeon asks, advancing on Jaehyun incredibly hypocritically. "What you did to Juyeon isn't right. Come here so you at least get to find out how he feels."

Jaehyun reaches a wall too soon and he thinks that Sangyeon really means it, that he'll do to Jaehyun exactly what was done to Juyeon. But Jaehyun at least wants to say his peace before it comes to that. 

"He's from the same place that I am."

Sangyeon stops in his tracks. "What?" 

"He's not from here. He's from the same line that I came from. He told me. He's loved you since you were with me." 

Sangyeon shakes his head. "He must be the same as me, remembering things from the other time."

"Why are you so quick to trust him?" 

"He's my boyfriend," Sangyeon points out with a sigh. 

"And I'm your husband." The words tear out of Jaehyun’s throat roughly but he can't keep saying the same things that Sangyeon refuses to hear. He licks at the seeping pain at his lip and takes a breath. "I know we've been here over and over but I need you to try to understand me. I have loved you for eight years, Sangyeon, right from the moment we met and again from the moment I didn't let myself meet you. Maybe I need to accept that you're going to choose him now but I want to at least let you know what that means. You love a man who has been dishonest with you right from the start."

"What about you?" Sangyeon asks wryly. "How honest were you, Jaehyun? How did I react when you told me you were going to unmeet me? Oh, or did you not tell me and you just took it upon yourself to decide this for me?" 

Jaehyun can't possibly flatten himself against the wall further but he feels like he needs to try when Sangyeon takes another step closer and cages him against the wall. 

"Go on," Sangyeon says. "Why didn't you tell me? Aren't you just as bad as you want me to think Juyeon is?" 

"What if you said you didn't care?" Jaehyun asks. The words splinter out of his throat and this isn't any better than before. Sangyeon raises his eyebrows and this is already edging closer to the worst case scenario for Jaehyun. "What if you didn't want me to save you?" 

"Then you should have just listened."

Jaehyun shakes his head. "I'd do whatever it takes to save you, every time."

+

Jaehyun had assumed he and Juyeon were at an impasse. They wouldn't have anything to do with each other and that was fine. Except Juyeon pays Jaehyun a visit of his own accord. 

Knowing that this Juyeon is from the same time, the same place as Jaehyun is unsettling. Juyeon sits down on an armchair and his eyes catalogue everything which differs between this unit and the life Jaehyun and Sangyeon had built up together. 

But ever the perfect guest, Juyeon doesn't forget his manners when Jaehyun hands him a drink. He thanks Jaehyun and then immediately says, "Please stop meeting Sangyeon. You're confusing him." 

Jaehyun laughs. "Am I confusing him? What about the person who told me that Sangyeon would die. You as good as forced this, yet every map you're drawing these days is perfectly joyful. Why is that? Don't you think that is confusing?" 

Juyeon's brow furrows. The bruises still haven't quite faded and some part of Jaehyun aches to ripen the pain once more. The desire makes Jaehyun's fingers numb in earnest when Juyeon says, "I did what I had to."

"Did you? Or did you make it all up because you were jealous?" Jaehyun jeers. "Where has that jealousy got you, Juyeon? Sangyeon still isn't totally yours even after you made me come back to change it all."

Juyeon stares up at Jaehyun. It is a look Jaehyun has seen many times before, direct, honest, but this is the first time it could be categorised as remorseless. 

"He chose me. You asked Sangyeon and he told you to your face that he would choose me. He loves me. Finally. That is all I have wanted."

It sounds pathetic but Jaehyun can't even muster the scorn to point it out. Juyeon's conviction is sapping the spite out of Jaehyun’s certainty. 

"It can't feel good knowing that Sangyeon only thinks he loves you because you deceived us both."

"It feels fine. It can't feel good knowing that The Entity never prevented things from changing," Juyeon says quietly. "Remember what you said? God's plan. How can you call this anything but that?" 

Jaehyun scoffs. Perhaps his spite hasn't entirely drained away. "Maybe losing Sangyeon is God's plan but I could say the same for you never being able to make him love you the way he loves me. Tell the truth, Juyeon. Our Sangyeon is alone at home right now because you lied to me. He never had any red on his map on the places you claimed, did he?"

Juyeon simply shrugs. "I said it already. I did what I had to do."

"But you couldn't fall in love with someone else."

"Neither could you," Juyeon replies quickly. 

Jaehyun hates how Juyeon isn't wrong. And neither of them are willing to give up. 

+

Jaehyun decides a few more lies can't hurt between friends. He tells Sangyeon that he found a place with a nice atmosphere that might suit a scene in one of his books, perhaps somewhere that the star detective finds an associate who isn't quite on the same side as the police but has a soft spot for the protagonist. Jaehyun pretends that Jinsol is the one who found the bar but really it is where Haseul is assistant manager. He doesn't particularly want to share that information though. 

Sangyeon agrees to take a look and that's all Jaehyun needs seeing as the writer is showing more restraint now. Whether or not Jaehyun has told little lies to get Sangyeon here, the results are good and Sangyeon has been making little notes about all the exposed timber decor and the quirks of workers and customers alike between sips of draught beer. 

"I've got to take this call," Jaehyun tells Sangyeon as he frowns at his phone. Sangyeon isn't too bothered about that and he keeps peering around the dull bar curiously. 

Jaehyun steps outside, into the midnight blue street, and answers the call from Juyeon whilst leaning against the patchwork wall of red and blue bricks. 

"How can I help you?" 

"Why are you testing me?" Juyeon asks. 

Jaehyun sighs, condensation gathering as a wisp of a cloud before dissipating into nothingness. "Why do you think?" 

"I know you think you're funny but I told you to stop," Juyeon says darkly. "I'll be right there. I let you hit me last time because I felt sorry for you. Don't think that is how things are going to go this time."

"I thought you were a better man than this, Juyeon," Jaehyun grins. "How could your kindness run out so quickly? Pity me more. Sangyeon chose you, remember? Are you really going to let your pretty boyfriend watch you beat me up?" 

"If that's what it takes for you to leave him alone."

Jaehyun laughs. "You're a real piece of work, you know that? Do you remember when we were friends before you did all of this. Before you tricked me into changing things?" 

There's a pause and Juyeon exhales loudly, almost a reluctant laugh. "We were friends afterwards too."

"Shut up."

Juyeon really does laugh after that. Jaehyun hangs up. He doesn't want to hear a sound like that when he is so far from where he wants to be. 

"I thought you ran away from me again."

Jaehyun glances up. Sangyeon is smiling but some part of him looks like he really was concerned over something he had never known happen. 

"It was just a really irritating phone call."

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"What has brought on this husbandly concern?" Jaehyun asks. Sangyeon grins. 

"We're friends. Don't look so deep."

Jaehyun sighs. He already knew he wasn't going to change anything on a night like tonight. He had hoped that he could spend time with Sangyeon just innocently for a while longer. The punch that knocks Jaehyun off his feet puts an end to idle fancy like that. 

"Stay away from him," Juyeon roars. At Sangyeon. It isn't nice to hear regardless of the fact that someone here is clearly winning. "I get it. You still think you love him, but don't try to get in the way when he has been goading me into this." 

Jaehyun climbs to his feet but he still feels a lot like his jaw should be hanging off his face rather than stiffly sitting where it should be. 

"There's no need for this," Sangyeon says. 

"Isn't there? How many times have you slept with him and promised that it wouldn't happen again?" Juyeon sobs. It is different, Jaehyun supposes, when Sangyeon is here. 

"I'm sorry."

"You're not sorry," Juyeon spits. "You can't keep saying you're sorry and then going back to him. I'm trying to be understanding, Sangyeon, I love you so I'm trying, but my heart hurts so much. Please make it stop hurting." 

Sangyeon only spares Jaehyun half a glance before holding onto Juyeon. It isn't fair. Juyeon isn't the only one torn apart at the prospect of losing Sangyeon, but Juyeon is the only one who Sangyeon is holding tightly and apologising to. For all the times Sangyeon has claimed he meant apologies in the past Jaehyun can only assume he really does mean it this time. 

+

"You should go," Sangyeon says. 

Jaehyun has walked all the way here in the pouring rain. He had hoped for a better response than this. He had plans with Sooyoung, dinner because apparently the baby plan is underway and she wanted to make a big fuss with Jinsol and Haseul, but Jaehyun had skipped the plans to see whether Sangyeon might be able to put a smile on his face. Jaehyun hardly wants to be a bad guest by looking miserable. But Sangyeon doesn't look like he will help out today. 

"I miss you," Jaehyun tells Sangyeon. 

"Juyeon is working late."

A pause. And then Jaehyun realises why Sangyeon has said it. He hates this. Since the day he met Sangyeon he never imagined that he could be treated as coldly as this. "And you're still not going to let me in?" 

"That's right. Go home Jaehyun."

"I can't. It's too lonely. I lived there with you. I need you there with me too. Come home with me."

"I'm not going to do that. You should go home and get changed into something dry."

Jaehyun nods and wipes his nose on his wrist. "Alright. When can I see you again? When will you let me in?" 

"We're not going to see each other again," Sangyeon says. The pity is back and he certainly looks as though he won't feel anything different for Jaehyun. 

"I'm never going to stop loving you, Sangyeon."

"I know. Look after yourself, Jaehyun."

The door starts to close too soon and Jaehyun pushes his palms against the cold metal desperately. Sangyeon sighs. 

"Wait, aren't you going to say it back?" Jaehyun asks. 

"No."

Jaehyun's fingers curl uselessly against the door and heat floods his vision. He shakes his head but things don't become any clearer. "You can't make me leave like this. I at least need to know that you still love me."

A pained expression blurs over Sangyeon’s face. "I can't tell you that."

The door closes, not quite a slam but a thud dull enough that it shatters something inside Jaehyun. There's another thud and Jaehyun presses against the door, wishing it would disappear so he could hold Sangyeon close at least this once. 

Jaehyun wants to tell Sangyeon that it's okay, even if it isn't. But he can't. He's not allowed. 

Jaehyun is still at the door when Juyeon arrives. 

"Leave," Juyeon says. Jaehyun nods. 

"I'm going. Don't. Don't ever hurt him." 

"Who are you to tell me that?" Juyeon asks. 

"I'm nobody. But I won't always be nobody."

Juyeon doesn't say anything. He stares until Jaehyun leaves. That's fine. Jaehyun is desperate enough to go back to work so he doesn't need to feel so alone at home. 

+

Jaehyun stands at the edge of the very world and holds his breath. Beyond the blue glow that has sealed the horizon into place, the world stretches on forever and ever. The horizon rolls smoothly over the edge of everything but there isn't anything to seal the world inside. 

Jaehyun squints into the distance and wonders where, if anywhere, Haknyeon and his wife went. The sky is red out here, just as it was over eighty years ago, but the colour is pale and washed rather than the vicious rouge rage that Jaehyun had seen with Sangyeon. The sky is almost calm when it is the colour of softly blooming petals on spring branches, but standing in the midst of the rose-tinted air, Jaehyun feels anything but calm. 

The brightest point at the horizon should be where The Entity resides. The only problem is that Jaehyun found the brightest point at the horizon and found nothing. He touched the sky and found something. Jaehyun had climbed the sky and pushed a hole right through the sky. And now he is staring at nothing. 

"Where are you?" Jaehyun yells. 

The Entity doesn't answer. 

Of course The Entity doesn't answer. Jaehyun exhales, a shuddering breath as the gusts this high up in the air bluster around him. 

"You're everywhere, aren't you? Shouldn't you have expected me to come here?" 

Jaehyun's voice is lost to the winds higher than the peak of the cobalt tower and he wonders why something so convenient as a ladder in the sky doesn't lead to an easy answer. Inside the district the night is blue. Outside the district, through the hole in the sky, the early evening has settled calmly over the singed green land rolling endlessly away. 

There isn't anywhere inside the district that looks the same as the outside. Jaehyun had never really considered much about the other places outside the district but being confronted with the scarce signs of humanity doesn't fill him with any of the conviction he had hoped for. 

Before coming here, to the edge of everything, Jaehyun had sent a message to Sooyoung to apologise. Her life seems even sweeter and more domestic here, but this isn't quite the right choice. They don't have a child yet anyway. All Sooyoung and her wives currently have are two unsuccessful attempts but Jaehyun likes to think that Sooyoung in the original timeline would have better luck seeing as she'd be trying things a little bit later. Not that Jaehyun could tell Sooyoung any of this. She had called him and might have even come out to find him but nothing more sophisticated than a basic measuring device can work this close to the horizon so Jaehyun hadn't minded when his phone slipped away to the district below when rejecting yet another of her calls. 

If Jaehyun could talk to Sooyoung he would tell her what he can see right now. He would tell her that nothing exists outside the district. That Jiwoo and Haknyeon might not even exist anymore. 

This is all wrong. Jaehyun is only here for selfish reasons but he can't see anything that could make him change his mind. 

He takes a deep breath, fills his lungs until they ache, burning with the grit of the fractured sky. 

"Put it all back," Jaehyun roars. "I know you can do it. You didn't come from nowhere. You weren't created by the machines."

Nobody answers Jaehyun. He doesn't even know what to expect as a response from The Entity. People in different departments are in charge of communicating with The Entity to ensure they exact its will. Jaehyun's job is to eliminate anyone who tries to change the paths set out by The Entity. He thinks that until now he has done well. He deserves to be rewarded with an answer. 

"I don't want this," Jaehyun tells The Entity, wherever it is. "Was it really your plan for Juyeon to lie to me? Was it really your plan to let me go back and feel like this? I don't want this. Change it back. I want my life back."

The Entity doesn't reply. The wind blows the pink evening into the district, gently nudging at the nighttime air. And then the artificial sky crumbles. 


End file.
